Domestic Abuse

She puts on her coat, checks the mirror. Has her makeup covered that mark on her face? She sighs, it’s OK. No sign. It will heal soon. But what of the wounds inside? Will they ever heal?

Can you put yourself in the situation of someone suffering like this? Imagining living with a person who mistreats you, verbally (and sometimes physically) and controls your life. An abuser believes getting their needs met is the most important thing. They are clever at scheming (or head working) to get others to do what they want. Control and manipulation are their default setting.

If this has never happened to you it can be difficult to understand why anyone would put up with it. Why don’t they just leave?

There are complex reasons for this, including the genuine fear of reprisals and violence. It’s recognised that abusers use similar methods of stress manipulation to those used to torture prisoners of war: isolation, threats, humiliation, exhaustion, with occasional kindness. Leaving a person vulnerable to manipulation and control.  

You may say I don’t know anyone like that. I hope that is true. It’s not easy to spot the signs and covering it up is common. Domestic abuse is getting smarter, and many abusers are skilled at avoiding being exposed.

Jesus sees all and knows what is hidden. In the Bible he says love should be like this: “not jealous”, “not put itself up as being important”, “no pride”, “not doing wrong”,” never thinks”, “does not get angry”, “keeps no record of wrongs”.

Is this you? If so, Jesus knows, Jesus cares. Reach out to someone you trust in confidence.

What can others do? Awareness is key. Abuse happens to friends, families, neighbours, even in churches. Pray, support, signpost to organisations that offer specialist help.